Harvard Report 1: Amazing Grace

I have learned that one always has much to learn. When I received the Richardson Fellowship ($25,000) I was excited to have the funds to help young girls learn valuable skills, such as how to set realistic goals, communicate effectively, and use their unique talents and abilities. I was also overjoyed to be able to have a year to figure out what I wanted to do with my life: be an attorney, therapist, or …. I have enjoyed and learned tremendously these nine months; I have met a person that has shown me how to best serve people and has helped me see what to do the rest of my life.

Until this summer my goal in life had been to please myself. For the most part this meant striving to live by the “golden rule”; I loved making people happy. When I started college my focus, my god, changed. Whatever one focuses on, what one puts in the center of their life is their god(s). I still strived to help people, volunteering in several community service activities, but I added two gods to my life in college: sex and boys. This summer I realized I needed to put God in the center of my life.

This decision came after someone said: “I think people don’t chose to become Christians because they don’t want to change.” That hit home. I didn’t want to change my lifestyle; I was happy the way I was living. More than that, I could not change my way of thinking. I could not accept that someone who doesn’t try to follow Jesus’ teachings and accepts that He died for his/her sins is going to hell. I thought about my lifestyle and what I would need to change be a Christian. I realized I could remove the two gods I added in college. The change of mindset was impossible to have; I thought of so many people who are not Christians. Then, I started to think about the people in the Christian Fellowship I had joined at the beginning of my senior year at Harvard. I thought about the joy and peace they had and others did not, and how I wanted that for my children, for my friends, for everyone. I realized I had to change myself first. I had to take pleasing people out of the center of my life, and put God there.

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:17). God has truly saved me. I had resentment in my heart towards people who had hurt me. I knew I needed to forgive them, but I could not. God gave me the power to. God has also truly opened my eyes. I learned more valuable things in a few months while reading and abiding in the Bible than I did in four years at Harvard. I have come to experience that what Jesus says is true; “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). He has indeed brought me life abundantly full of love and peace. I have seen/am seeing that the best life comes when one lives by both of Jesus’ commandments: “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39). Abiding by these two commandants is what it means to be a Christian.

As I mentioned, I have always tried to be kind to everyone. That changed at the end of my junior year. I was at a party at one of the final clubs (something like a frat house) on campus dancing with a couple of friends when all of the sudden someone slaps my butt. I turned around and slapped the person across the face. He yelled, “who the f*#@ are you!” I yelled back, “who the f*#@ are you!” He yelled, “get the f*#@ out!” I left enraged. I did not like going to final clubs but would go when a friend in the club would invite me. That night one of the reasons for not going was made very clear: those spaces are not public and some guys take advantage of that. The next day someone told me this person is the son of a millionaire. I immediately assumed that he wasn’t just a drunk being extremely disrespectful, but that he had a sense of entitlement. I wrote him an e-mail letting him know exactly what I thought about him. It was not kind, at all.

Shortly after becoming a Christian I had a desire to forgive him, it seemed as if it were the only thing to do. Before I accepted Christ died for my sins I knew I should forgive him and once even thought I should say sorry for my e-mail. Even though he had never asked for forgiveness, this summer I wanted to let him know he was forgiven. I also felt the desire to apologize for sending him that cruel e-mail. So I did. If someone had asked me at graduation if I would ever apologize to this person, I probably would have said, “no way.”
This summer, over a year after the incident, I wrote him the following e-mail: (Throughout paper * indicates name has been changed)
*Robert,
I hope you are well. I want to apologize for writing you a letter with many disrespectful assumptions. I am not sure what lead you to hit me a year ago, but I didn't have to write you such a nasty note. Yes, you did something that was wrong; nonetheless, I shouldn't have responded by insulting you. I am sorry. Take good care.
Sincerely,
Luz Isabel Gonzalez
He lived singing love. He died singing love. He rose in silence. If the song is to continue, we must love one another.
He responded the next day:
Luz,
Thank you for your email, it means a lot that you forgive me. Again, I do apologize for what happened and I wish you well in the future. I hope you are doing well.
Sincerely,
Robert

I could not believe my eyes; he had never apologized. And that it meant a lot to him that I forgave him—quite the shocker. This was the first way God moved my heart and also the first time He demonstrated to me what showing God’s love to people does. God’s love is that love which seeks to simply care for people and draw them closer to Him. It is a love that comes from the things God calls people to do, and as can be seen in Robert’s case, “means a lot”. It touches people’s hearts. He has shown me this again and again. God also allowed me to forgive a friend who betrayed me. While I didn’t despise him as I had Robert, he had hurt me even more because he was someone I considered a friend. Everyday God shows me His love in a wonderful way.

In addition, to helping me forgive, God has helped me to let go of focusing on pleasing myself. God moved upon my heart to not take a trip to Europe I had planned. I had called Mr. Bohlmann at the fellowships office and he approved, I had spoken with a travel agent, my itinerary was planned out, my parents had money set aside for this graduation gift. I just could not accept it. I thought about all the suffering in the world, especially the victims in genocide in Darfur. I did not take the trip. The money was used to help people who needed it. I could not be happier with the way the summer and fall turned out. God allowed me to comfort people in a way I had never been able to before.

The week of Thanksgiving I had the opportunity to comfort people in a time of tragedy. I used some money I had saved to pay for plane tickets to go with my church, Calvary Chapel Yuma, to New Orleans. It was an amazing experience. What a blessing it was to be able to give people $50 and $100 gift cards to grocery stores and Home Depot. It was so awesome to say, “God Bless you” and with our actions say, here our church wants to bless you. Many people just wanted to talk, to vent. Some people were mad at God but most were willing to be prayed for. It was so special to see people’s response to love and prayer. Tears were shed and hearts were opened. The area we were gutting houses in was not yet approved for reconstruction, so all the work we did in many people’s eyes may seem like work in vain, but I know for the people’s lives who were touched the work was anything but in vain.

Being in New Orleans made something very clear to me: everything will be trash one day. The $2,000 plasma TV is really the same as the $25 garage sale one, they can be here today, gone tomorrow. This verse came to mind vividly: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21). When I do something kind for someone I know that it is a crown in heaven that I can then give to Jesus in return for His love and sacrifice. He doesn’t expect a certain number; it’s just a way of saying thank you. What a blessing!

Another blessing of this trip was being around the other volunteers from Christian churches all over the nation. A young woman who had just graduated from Princeton gave me a very valuable piece of advice when speaking with people who are not Christians: “after you tell them about Christ’s love all you can do is show them It by your life following Him.” Another awesome conversation I had was with an ex-professor of biology. She told me that even before she became a Christian, while she was working at a laboratory, she didn’t buy evolution. She said the conclusions that were made had too many jumps. Another person with a PhD in science told me about the replica of Noah’s Ark and how all the animals that existed at that time fit in it. At the time I did not believe that. I was relived to see that very educated people believed that God made the world as is said in Genesis. Evolution is something that some people don’t want to stop believing in and use as an excuse to not become a Christian. Until not too long ago, I believed in evolution. Now I realize God is powerful enough to do what He said He did. I have seen that as long as one chooses to believe in Jesus’ death for us He will help us see the rest of the picture.
The next holiday God again allowed me to bless people. A group of people from church went to the hospital on Christmas Eve to sing Christmas carols. Seeing the faces of people light up was amazing, especially after we prayed for them. One man began to cry as we sang Joy to the World. I stayed behind with him; he really needed our visit. I have learned that the small things, if they are God’s things, can go a long way in someone’s heart.

I learned of God’s power in someone life as I had never before when I met a woman named *Isabel. She was raped at the age of six. She told me how Christ helped her love like she had never loved before: love her husband, whom she really hadn’t been able to, love her mother, who had checked her vagina as an adult to see if she had been having sex with someone… to love life. I still have moments of unbelief, of feeling that I have fallen into some kind of scam; then, I remember God’s love in people’s lives. When someone says, “How can you believe in God?” I think about Isabel, the people in New Orleans, what God has done in my life; I ask him/her, “Why do you not believe in God?”

I thought the learning would occur in the mentoring program with the girls I work with. Nope. (The main thing I have learned is to be flexible. One of the things I was willing to change was to mentor girls myself. There were so many middle school girls in the housing projects I work in that I felt compelled to include them.) They are wonderful, like the girls I mentored in Boston. Everyone is full of wonder; God made them. What I came to see very clearly working with girls, especially those whose parent are going through a divorce, whose parents drink, or who don’t have parents, is that they need someone to give them their time, someone to listen, someone to show them, he/she cares about them. They need love.

The girl who has shown me what giving someone a little love can do the clearest is *Tina. When I went to her house the first two times she said she did not want to participate in the mentoring program, in fact she didn’t even want to give me the time of day. The third time I went to her house was to help her little brother read. As *Joey and I were reading I noticed she popped her head out of her room. I think this was another small thing that helped change a heart; she decided to join the program the next time I invited her to come.

I have seen a huge change in Tina. When she first started the program she had black hair, black clothes, Kiss style make up, self-made tattoos, and made disrespectful comments. I have seen a big change since I met her, on the outside (less black clothes and make up) as well as on the inside, less harshness and a desire to love. She told me that her father raped her as a child. She also told me he was a youth pastor and that he thought it was something God approved of. He is now in jail. I told her he is twisted. I told her that that is not what God wants because He told us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I was so upset that people twist what the Bible says to do what pleases them. That is what was done during the crusades and many other times through history and today, but that is not true Christianity; that is man trying to play God. Last month she told me she decided to be a Christian. Just this weekend she told me she had been cutting herself and has stopped.

My God is such an awesome God and His ways are so wonderful. Jesus is unlike any other person, because He is God. Phillips Brooks said it well, “Jesus Christ, the condescension of divinity, and the exaltation of humanity.” I can relate any pain or suffering, any personal problem to Jesus. He has been there, done that. It is not easy being a Christian, but He gives strength. There are times when people will say mean things. God has given me the strength to stop focusing on pleasing everyone, stop worrying about what people think, and when necessary, turn the other cheek. For the most part people respect my decision. In fact, several people I went to Harvard with have asked me about Christianity. A couple of my of my friends have come to visit me; one of them called me and told me he wanted to be a Christian. People in the building where I have my office know I am a Christian and several of them have come into my office for advice, most of them with problems in their marriage and with their children. Christianity is making so much sense to me; God does have the answers to all of an individual’s problems.

I still do not know what career I will pursue, but I know throughout my life I will strive to grow closer to God and show people His love. Loving God above all things means being in a relationship with Him: spending time with Him and His Word. It is the only religion that means being in a relationship. I took a class on world religions. Other religions were interesting, but they do not provide what Jesus does: true love, guidance, and strength. I had always believed in a God, but one day I finally broke down and cried out asking God to show me the truth. A small bird had just died in my hands. As I went to bury it I had the immense desire to know what life was all about, who God was, and if there was an afterlife. I got on my knees, cried, and asked God for forgiveness for anything I had done to hurt Him and asked him to help me see the truth. A couple of weeks later I met Shelly who simply said, “I think people don’t chose to become Christians because they don’t want to change.” I was willing to be molded by God.
All it takes is a willing heart, a heart that recognizes there is going to be judgment, and there is no way we can be good enough to be in God’s presence on our own. We need Jesus. In the book generally considered to be the oldest in the Bible, Job, this question is asked, “If a man dies, shall he live again?” (Job 14:14). This question is answered later in Job, “For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth” (Job 19:25). I, too, have faith that my Redeemer lives and will come again. I encourage you to seek the answer to that question. God promises: “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). All it takes is a heart willing to surrender to God. He is a loving God: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God” (John 3:16-18).


References:
All Bible verses are quoted from the New King James Version.

Recommended Reading:
A Case for Faith, by Lee Strobel.
A good book for those who have questions about exclusivity and justice.
(God knows the information that every individual has had access to.)

A Case for Christ, by Lee Strobel
I have not read it, but I have heard that Strobel’s Yale Law School and journalist training make his book one that helps a person understand the reality of Jesus Christ.

Finding God at Harvard, by Kelly Monroe.
These 42 essays by students, faculty, and orators at Harvard help one see that being a Christian does not mean leaving one’s brain at the door. It addresses issues such as growing up in a different culture and religion, pluralism, and sex. Philips Brooks and Mother Teresa have some wonderful essays in it.

The Gospel of John
The best way to read it is with an open heart, prayerfully asking God to speak to you.